Have you ever eaten something bitter? I know when I eat walnuts, occasionally a piece of the inner shell is wedged in the flesh of the walnut and the taste is awful bitter. Though quite unpleasant, it is usually temporary. I can generally drink something or eat something not bitter to get rid of the awful taste. This type of bitterness does not alter the course of our lives in any major way. We can simply avoid the object of bitterness. However, there is another type of bitter. This bitterness, if not dealt with, can take root and wreak havoc on our lives and the lives of those who love us.

When I was thinking about this I went to the dictionary for the definition of bitter. The first bitter means to ‘have a sharp, pungent taste or smell; not sweet’. The second definition was in regards to human emotion ‘feeling angry, hurt, or resentful because of one’s bad experiences or a sense of unjust treatment’. What I found most interesting was how the synonyms for the first definition could also be used for the second in regards to the appearance, attitude or actions of someone who is dealing with bitterness in their life. Some of the synonyms for the first were ‘sharp, acidic, tart, biting’. You know what I mean if you have ever had a conversation with a person who has let a bitter circumstance or experience take root in their heart. They can be sharp, as in piercing, with their expressions, and not in a good way. Their words can be acidic and biting. I don’t know about anyone else, but I am uncomfortable and want to avoid people like this if I can. However, I am pretty sure I should not respond this way.

The other thing about this type of bitter is it can impact anyone. It is the direct result of allowing our emotions, self-focused, and sinful nature call the shots in our lives. It is when we forget that we are not our own. If you call yourself a ‘Christian’ then you are no longer your own, but you have given Jesus authority and ownership of your life. If you have not done this, you may want to reevaluate the relationship you have with our Lord and Savior. It is through this relationship alone we are reconciled to God.

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. – John 14:6

Without this relationship, we are controlled by our sinful nature, and a prime candidate for bitter roots to grow. This relationship is where we find hope and restoration. This relationship brings awareness, and helps us remove and avoid the growth of bitter roots in our lives. On the other side of this if you see your brother or sister dealing with bitterness, we need to embrace them, not avoid them.

I have been and still am to a certain point on both sides of this equation. I have learned to apply God’s truth, in His Word, to my life, to confess and surrender any area of resentment, hurt or anger, and pray for Him to work in the lives of others with similar struggles. I cannot always change circumstance and I certainly cannot change people, but I can change my perspective, and choose to love and have grace. Not because I have any special privilege or ability, but because of the change made in me by the work of the Holy Spirit. I do not have to avoid the uncomfortable situation; I can share my experience. I can love on them and help them see beyond themselves. When we point out things in others, we cannot do it out of place of judgement or comparison, we must do it out of love, out of wanting them to experience the fullness of grace extended to them.

See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled – Hebrews 12:15

I know you may be thinking all this is well and good in theory, but in practice it is altogether different. Below are things that have helped me in these situations.

1. Establish the relationship. Think about every relationship in your life. How did it grow? By spending time with the person, by listening to them and letting them know they are important to you. When we read God’s word, but don’t listen for how it relates in our own heart, we miss out on the relationship. When we pray and all we talk about is ourselves, we miss the opportunity to hear Him speak to our hearts.
2. Memorize key Bible verses to remind you of what it truly means to follow Christ. Some of the ones I often think of when I am more ‘me’ focused than ‘Christ’ focused are:
   • Luke 9:23 – And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.
   • Galatians 2:20 – I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
3. This is not a onetime fix. It is a moment by moment, circumstance by circumstance opportunity to allow grace to infiltrate your entire life. I just had a circumstance not 10 minutes ago where I did not choose grace, or just to keep my comments to myself but I just had to open my mouth. If you had heard it you might not think it was a big deal, but it bordered on the line between gossip and pot stirring, and that is not who I want to be and it is not who God has called me to be so it is a very BIG deal. I know there is grace in every moment, but the application is to not fall into the same trap when it occurs again.
4. Surround yourself with people who already strong in their relationship with Christ. Don’t compare yourself to them, because there is no comparison. We are each uniquely created and uniquely loved by a great God. Our paths may be similar but they are vastly different. Learn from them. Ask them to pray with you and for you.
5. Honesty is the best policy. Be honest with yourself about who you are and why you feel the way you do. Be honest with God especially, He is big enough to handle your honesty.
6. Choose grace. Grace is a choice. Choose it often, if not always, with others, with yourself, with your circumstances and with the daily irritations of this life.